Topic Proposal
The topic I've chosen is to see if eating a good breakfast has an affect on grades/gpa. This is important because it directly affects all students. Grades become more important the older you get and effect some major life choices the older you get. Does eating breakfast effect overall gpa? How will eating a good breakfast the morning before a big test effect the grade? I will be using a survey as my form of research,. I will also be interviewing specific people that took the survey to get more in depth answers to the questions I asked on the survey.
The paper flows really well. It consists of the proper headings and subheadings that lead the reader to be able to follow what the writer is saying. One area in the paper that could be more clear would be the summary section. The summary talks about students who had breakfast in general and its effect on academics, but it also talked about students who had a healthier breakfast and its effects on academics. I would focus more on the part of the healthier breakfast since that is what your study is on.
ReplyDeleteThe language in this paper was formal, clear, and concise. There are some areas where add on words are not necessary, and I have pointed that out on the physical copy. The paper does fulfill the length requirement, but does not have an appendix attached. The paper does follow APA style and has properly labeled headings and subheadings.
The paper correctly follows IMRad format. The abstract is well developed and clearly states that a healthier breakfast option is important. The introduction does a good job of mentioning past research by including quotations for sources. The methods section does a good job on clearly discussing participants, procedures, and analysis. The details in these sections can be a bit confusing like when said “74 fifth, sixth, and seventh graders” you could find a way to make that easier for the reader to understand. Possibly stating “74 participants” and then mention that they were in those grades. The figures in the paper were very easy to understand. The figures used were also well explained in the paragraph to follow.
The survey does provide sufficient data, however, you can possible go more in depth of how a healthier option is truly what improves a student’s academics. The introduction and discussion sections clearly indicate that a healthier breakfast has an effect on a student’s academics.
Overall I enjoyed reading your paper, and you chose an interesting topic to keep the reader interested.
Sami,
ReplyDeleteOverall, the paper flows well and is a quality paper after reading it for the first time. The language is formal, however, I feel that you can work on being more concise. Furthermore, there are a lot of spots on which I marked your paper where there are grammar mistakes. For example, some words need to be switched with the word in front or before it. Another example is many missing commas and unnecessary apostrophes.
Your paper seems to be missing the Appendix section where you need to include information about the questions you asked in your survey. Your APA citations were good.
You did well with following the IMRaD format. However, there were some sections where you could have been more clear or elaborated more about what you were talking about. Your methods and discussion sections should have been longer. Specifically, the analyzation part of your methods.
The survey was very good and gave the information that you needed for your topic. Your tables were clear as well.
Overall, the main aspects of the paper that need to be improved are the grammar, data analysis, and elaboration of the methods section.
Good job!